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Posts tagged ‘letting go’

Letting Go…I Have To But It Can Be So Dang Hard.

I have been silent for a very long time.  It’s not that I haven’t had anything to say.  In fact, it’s quite the opposite.  I have had a lot to say.  So much, that I had no clue where to start or what to even write about.  It seems life is flying by way too fast and I just wish it would slow down a bit.  In the past few years, there have been way too many transitions in my life.  My mom, my best friend, passed away.  Devastation is about the only word I can say that describes losing your momma.  No matter how prepared you are for it, it still hurts.  Then I had to say goodbye to Daddy…twice.  The Alzheimer’s took the man I knew and loved and replaced him with someone different.  Then his body couldn’t take it anymore.  He went to be with momma.  Again, there are no other words to describe it than…devastation.  I miss them.  A lot.

As the days continue to move forward, there are so many more transitions where I find that I have to let go.  2011, Andrew (my oldest) graduated from high school.  He is my first born, and just 22 years ago I never thought the day would come where it was time for him to leave the nest.  He kept me busy!!!  He was involved in everything, and I was right there by his side, cheering him on every step of the way.  The day he graduated from high school was almost as amazing as the day I first held him in my arms.  For the first time ever, I watched my boy cross the stage and became a man!  He stayed home his first year of college and it was a challenging year.  We butted heads, a lot!  He knew he wanted to fly, he just didn’t know where he wanted to fly to.  During that year, he finally decided on a major and a college.  So, the following September, it was time to move him to college…and let go.  I held the tears back, until I was on the road.  During those 3 years, I have truly witnessed something awe inspiring and amazing.  I watched that beautiful, amazing boy become a man.  I watched him make adult decisions and adult mistakes.  I also witnessed him learn from his successes and mistakes and become a better person for it.  I have no doubt in my heart that this boy, (ok, man) will do phenomenal things with his life.

2014, time to let another kiddo fly into the world!  It was Jody’s time to shine!!!  photo (1)I swear, from the moment that boy was born, I knew he was going to keep me on my game.  There was never a dull moment with that one.  He spent a lot of his time during elementary school in time out.  We also spent countless hours at various hospitals with different broken bones and stitches.  He played hard!!!  As he grew, I also saw an incredible leader begin to take shape and a young man who worked hard in his studies.  His senior year, he decided to join the US Navy Reserves.  So the summer after he graduated high school, it was time to let another fledgling leave my happy little nest.  In August, I watched him board a plane a very scared young man to leave for Boot Camp.  I had very little contact with him during that time, and that was hard.  He had to make it on his own, and there wasn’t anything I could do to help him.  In October, I was able to attend his graduation from Boot Camp and the transformation was incredible.  I gave the Navy my boy, and they have made him a strong, independent man.  I am so very proud of him.

I wish I could say I’m done with transitions, but I’m not.  My baby girl, Carolyn, is taking flight now.  She’s my baby and I still see her as such, but these past few months I’m seeing a beautiful, amazing and intelligent young woman.  You see, it’s her Senior year now.  It’s her year!!!  A she’s embracing every moment of it.  She’s an incredible leader who is quiet but able to see and feel another person’s point
photo (2)of view.  She is such a genuine, beautiful, gentle soul.  I have watched her transform before my eyes!  She was one of the drum majors for her high school marching band, and she led them with pride.  She’s made a college and career decision, and I couldn’t be more proud of that sweet, sweet soul.  She’s going to a be a nurse!  Why?  Because she was so impressed with the level of care her grandpa received while in hospice care.  In her words, someone had a huge impact on her who did not even realize they were doing so!  In a few months, I am going to witness the culmination of my years as a momma.  I get to see her walk across that stage and receive her high school diploma.  In less than a year I’ll be letting go for the third time. That thought is hard, but I know that I have done a great job raising her.

Even though letting go is so dang hard, it’s part of the transition of life.  I want my kids to know how very, very proud I am of each of them.  They have done amazing things so far and they will continue to impress and amaze me.  I know they want their independence, and I truly believe one of the best gifts I can give them is the unconditional freedom to find their footprint in this world.  I remember being their age and wanting to fly fast and fly far.  I also remember kicking back from my parents, but I also remember my parents giving me the freedom to find myself without too many guilt trips.  I guess what I’m saying is, giving the world these amazing human beings is truly the greatest accomplishment I’ve done so far.

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